Nice, Crispy Bacon

I love to eat. Eating refers to the ingestion of food by humans, other animals, plants, and thingies to get nutrients so they can live, and grow big and strong. I, apparently, eat real funny-like. One friend I have looks forward to the days that I have chips in my lunch so she can sit across the room and laugh at me. In third grade, someone told me I ate like a cow, and in fourth grade, I ate like a camel. However, by sixth grade I taught myself to chew normally, and that soon stopped. I eat a lot. I eat crunchy foods, salty foods, sweet foods, hot foods, cold foods, and junk food. All the time. If I'm not eating, then I just ate, I just woke up, or I'm hungry.

For dinner I ate squash tempura, Japanese inspired, with a Jackie Harden twist. Basically it's deep fried squash. It sounds gross, but whenever I'm craving something, it happens to be that. You know those pregnancy cravings you're supposed to get when you're pregnant? Those are going to be so weird. I predict something like, cinnamon carrots, "nice, crispy bacon," red bean ice cream, and Sour Patch Watermelons -- which I always crave on road trips. It's really unfortunate, actually, they only sell them at certain gas stations. If I get really unlucky, I always opt for a rice krispy treat, snow caps, or a classic gas station slushie.

As much as I love to eat, I hate breakfast. It's weird for me -- when I wake up in the morning, I have no desire to consume food! It's such a foreign feeling. Fortunately, by the time I get to school, the feeling has passed and I'm ready to ambush Jason for one of his doughnuts. I really want one of those doughnuts, a cup of tea, and a blow pop.

Speaking of blow pops, I wish I had a lifetime supply at my disposal. Tootsie pops and blow pops are the only things that EVER keep me from biting my nails, a horrible habit of mine which I mentioned last time. Unfortunately, it's an awfully sugary alternative, and undoubtedly does terrible things for my teeth, but I just can't help it -- they're so delicious. Plus, the dentist says my teeth are great.

This is making me really hungry. Sometimes, when I get really hungry but feel like I shouldn't eat anything, I watch the Food Network. This is a terrible idea, in case you were wondering. It makes everything worse. One time, I was watching that show about private celebrity chefs or something -- it's really bad, don't watch it -- but they were making eggplant chips? Eggplant chips? EGGPLANT CHIPS? I almost died, they looked so deliciously crunchy and amazing and I wanted three plates all to myself. I requested eggplant chips for dinner the next day, and I was laughed at. Sad.

The eggplant chip phase passed. Unfortunately, it was quickly replaced with the chocolate pretzel phase, the miso soup phase, the red bean ice cream phase, the oreo phase, the blueberry phase, the twice baked potato phase, the pesto chicken breast phase, the ice cream phase (which is more of an all-the-time phase, but sometimes it becomes very pronounced), and my personal favorite, the seaweed salad phase.

I don't really know where I was going with this one. I'm just sitting here at my desk, looking at an empty bowl of ice cream wondering what I should eat next. I was thinking maybe some croutons, or baby spinach with strawberries, OR eggplant chips. Really want some eggplant chips...